Friday, 17 December 2010

Inbetween

This isn't like one of my usual posts. It's just a thought that passed through my mind and now I am sharing.

A few weeks ago, someone referred to me as 'inbetween'...they were talking about my weight at the time [I know a friendly bunch don't I??] so of course, I started tormenting myself and calling myself a size inbetween [what do you mean I have issues?? nuh uh. I am literally a well rounded gal]

Anyhoo the point is that I have come to the realisation that this horrid phrase really DOES apply to me, but in more ways than one.

I AM casually sauntering somewhere inbetween overweight land and ideal weightville.
I am also inbetween being a bordeline genius and a complete half wit [sometimes I am incredibly sloooooooow]
I am inbetween being a lawyer and erm just not.
I am inbetween being a girl and a woman [an unpleasant truth in every way imaginable]

and most annoyingly, 

I am inbetween being in a 'friendship' and a 'relationship'. I am not sure whether to call it a relationraft or a potentialship but whatever it may be, it is nonetheless inbetween.

I don't particularly like this label. Nothing good comes from being inbetween [except maybe the inbetweeners??]. Have you noticed that some stores don't even stock a size 6.5 shoe?? yes, that's right, even the fashion industry is beginning to shun all things inbetween.

Look at the modelling industry: you're either plus size or minus size. There is no platform for the inbetween model.

So yeah. The point is that I need to pick a side of all my inbetween-y places and really just stick to it.

I would like to be slim, smart, secure in my career and erm not so sure about the relationboat bit, but if we're going with the 's' pattern that my choices seem to have picked...then I guess I would rather be...single??

Dunno really. These are all just random thoughts.
Here's to the inbetweeners. The only good inbetween thing in my life.
xxxx

and here are a bunch of shoes that I really wouldn't mind being rescued from office for me [in size 6 mind you as office does not do inbetween sizes. shocker that]







Tuesday, 14 December 2010

P.S. I still love you

Hello all!

I have been a bad friend. I have abandoned you all without so much as a word or picture. I sound like such a broken record now but I swear to you, if I had just continued working in the fashion/journalism type industry, I would have more time but nuh uh, not me, I was all 'check me out, I wanna be a lawyer'

It was my birthday last week [I am officially 23] and do you know what I did?? I BLOODY WELL SPENT THE DAY STUDYING!! So yes, don't throw rotten fruit at me because I have not been having fun without you.

Also remember my round my hometown post? about my mother dearest going back to nigeria and my wonderful new clothes??? Let's just say that I really should have followed my instincts as erm the 'dresses' and 'high waisted' trousers were not quuuuuite what I had in mind [I will put up pics as soon as I find/steal/borrow/buy/have bought for me a new camera -please ignore the strange non english sentence].

Also true to form, she brought me a nunga nunga cage [bra] which she swore was my size just before pulling out a 32H helmet from her bag and presenting it to me with a super pleased smile on her face. I mean I know my bosoms are hardly small and humble [no I won't tell you my size ;)] but you really cannot just go around confusing them with mountains [see what I did there???]

Anyhoo, I can't stay too long. I have mock exams this entire week and then two real exams straight after the Christmas break [yay me]

So really and truly this was just a little message to remind you that I'm not dead.
xxxx

Monday, 29 November 2010

The new face of adidas.....almost!! VOTE!!

 Hey guys...I have a favour to ask.

My dear buddy has entered a competition to be the face of adidas and I NEEEEEEED for him to win. He is pretty and funny and cool and pretty.

So vote . pretty please with a fried chicken /ice cream/ [insert fave food here] on top!

P.s. he has until the 3rd of December which is Friday and I think you can vote once a day...twice if you are savvy like meee!!


Please please please do it. It takes like 30 secs. Just click on the link below and then click 'vote'!


xxxx



AIN'T HE CUTE????


Tuesday, 23 November 2010

If you were real, we'd be BFFs: Stewie!

Of late, I have been painfully reminded of why I don't really like people.

1) They talk FAR too much at VERY inappropriate times.

2) They never understand when you are just not in the mood to play.

3) They are always unreliable when you need them the most.


AND you can't put them down like a book, turn them off like T.V. or wear them with matching black heels like a pretty bloody outfit!! [sorry guys, it's been a long [but productive] and vaguely irritating day]

Anyhoo, in the midst of my annoyance, I thought of the people who would understand/make me feel better.

Numero uno is Jesus but I get the feeling that he'd be a wee upset if I started cursing people out when I spoke to him so I'll wait till tomorrow/i'm more relaxed [whichever comes first] for that convo to happen.

The second is Aize of throughmyaiz but it seems her eyes are either glued to a book in the library or gazing into the peepers of her lover man WHICH leaves me with STEWIE.... a la family guy.

Stewie is awesome because he is perpetually in my current 'get out of my way or be destroyed mood' and quite frankly he is hilarious [much like his biggest fan aka meeeee]. So yeah, here are some Stewie quotes. Hope they make you chuckle and elevate your mood as they have mine.

Enjoy

xxxx

"It's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just that I don't want her to be alive anymore"
 
"Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward. I mean, if they can do that then that is pretty much it for you isn't it? I mean you may as well pack it in. Game over"

"Nothing says 'obey me' like a bloody head on a fence post"

"Let me tell you something. A bullet sounds the same in every language so stick a bloody sock in it"

"Oh! Oh! This story is so good it MUST be fattening!"

Isn't he fabby?

TO STEWIE...







p.s. It may SEEM at times as if I am erm angry at the world/a wee bit disturbed? I am not. I promise. I just have zero patience and a twisted sense of humour....
Wednesday, 17 November 2010

If you were real, we'd be BFFs: Daria

Recently someone told me that I was super sarcastic and my dead pan delivery made it hard for them to tell if I was being serious or not. Of course, I took it as the compliment that it was and went along my merry way.

Today, as I slipped on my biker boots, I thought of the T.V. character Daria and realised that I absolutely love her. She is a cartoon manifestation of me. This probably isn't a good thing considering that she was a smidgen doom and gloom...but she was hilarious and in my books that really does make up for the rest. Also she totally set the biker boot trend. And the oversized glasses one for that matter...sure hers was necessary for visual performance but ho hum she totally deserves the credit.

Here are some Daria quotes for your reading pleasure.

"People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate from a doormat or a prostitute"

"I don't like kids. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid"

"Um, thank you. I'm not one for public speaking. Or much for speaking. Come to think of it, I'm not really one for the public..."

"Yeah, I'm tired of going to a school where the kids just think they are cooler than me. I want to go to one where they are smarter than me also"

"smart is not a four letter word. That would be smar..."

Are these not words worth commending?

Methinks so

Here's to you Daria

xxxx

eat your heat out agyness deyn!! Daria did it first!!


who says you can't wear biker boots with your graduation gown??

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Round my hometown...

GUYS!! I have potentially fabby news!!
My mum is jet setting off to good ol' Nigeria for a couple of days and she made the mistake of asking me what I wanted. So of COURSE I asked her to get me some clothes tailor made [and some ground nuts but that's a story for another time]!! I have recently had a strong desire for some ankara dresses and so I seized the opportunity and made my requests known.

The ONLY problem is that my mother doesn't know how to do things simply. If she gets me a dress it will come with like fish tails, sequins and bells. In fact, the last time she had clothes made for me, she returned with a dress that was approximately a size 20 and then told me it was supposed to be 'free'...

I reaaaallly don't want an ankara tent so I have been on the hunt for inspiration to give her so that she doesn't stray from the norm. I want an ankara mini dress...almost body con in nature and I am truly afraid of what she will return with but a girl has to try!!



I pretty much want something along the lines of the above but with prints from my hometown!!

Anyhoo in my quest for inspiration, I found a few things that made me happy so I thought I'd share.






i LOOOOOVE this

BUT something tells me she will return with this...

               
I will of course share the results with you

Wish me luck....
xxxx
p.s. if you find an exact picture that fits the description of the dress I want then PLEASE send it to me. I will need all the help I can get.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010

I should of gone to Cambridge...

Guys, I have something that has really been burdening my heart of late and it is the rampant use of poor grammar.

As a not so secret freshie, I am the first to admit that the english language is at times complex in its ways. I never did understand the concept of/need for silent letters especially the ones in the middle of a word like 'subtle' or 'plumber'  but I learnt it anyway because when in Rome etc....

I am not perfect.
I sometimes make the odd slip and I to use the wrong 'two' too say what I want and I understand that human error means that often people will get it wrong BUUUT when it becomes a choice, it is simply no longer OK.

Now I am no snob. Colloquialisms in the form of slang are acceptable -even necessary because face it who wants to spell out 'because' every time when you can just write 'cos'. However, it really makes me want to jab people in the eye with a rusty fork when they take a word with the same amount of letters and syllables and STILL translate it into slang.....???!!!

It is simply baffling and to be honest it makes me want to vom a little. We all went to high schools that taught languages and it is not ok to fail french but learn slang when only one of them amounts to a GCSE.

so I ask...WHY DO IT?? 
Is it to appear cool? If ignorance is cool then I shall never be cool and neither will my offspring.

If I sound snobby then it is probably because you also engage in such behaviour and I do not apologise. You should though.


"Ma Children will neva speak or write lyk dis"





 Here is my list of personal hates:
  • i should of gone in to school today - yes. you really should have
  • Ma hair needs to be done - try my for size..
  • fanx - please never thank me like this. ever.
  • brudda/bruddah - it is not hebrew. use brother
  • I fink I got the answer right - hmmm I really don't think you did
the list goes on but I am starting to upset myself so I will stop now [feel free to add to the list and help in my crusade to enlighten and educate]
that will be all...

xxxx
Saturday, 6 November 2010

It seems I don't like clothes...

WHAAAAT???!

Are your mouths agape with shock? Are you scratching your heads wondering if someone has a gun to my head; forcing me to write such horrid words??

Let me explain.

When I say that I don't like clothes...I don't mean I don't like clothes...just that I don't like clothes.

STILL confused???

Yeah I know...let me try again.

I mean I don't like wearing much clothes.

For all my love of fine attire...I have recently realised that I have a certain erm affinity shall we say with naturalists. I don't hug trees or anything like that but I do find that given the opportunity, I will wear the least amount of clothes permissible without being mistaken for a lady of the night.

I tried to blame it on my African upbringing but let's face it...I've lived in London practically my whole life and I can't keep claiming a natural inclination towards tropical weather because I haven't lived in anything close to Nigerian sun for the better part of 17 years.

Ok back to the point.

Yes- I'm a secret nudist.

I just think that there is a certain amount of freedom that comes from dressing...light?? Alas, I do not live alone, neither do I make the rules, so I am forced to conform to society's expectations and refrain from strutting around my house scantily clad [apparently one shouldn't open the door to delivery/post men in such a state...]

As my mother would say 'it's my house sha..can I not be free in my own home?'

It would seem the answer to her very reasonable question is no. I cannot.

So yes I love pretty items of clothing and nothing can cheer me up quicker that a trip to my fave store BUT if permitted by the law and the weather, I would wear clothes that were just shy of leaves a la Adam and Eve.

When I grow up [or rather when I live alone as the law seems to think I am already grown], I want to be a pin-up girl and I shall strut around my house wearing naught but gauzy cloth and a lip-sticked smile.

does anyone else agree with me or am I starting to sound like a blazerwhore?

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The Peter Pan Diet

Guys, I am about to have a good ol' moment of self pity and lamenting. I apologise to those of you who have never seen this side of me. You have no obligation to remain my friend/followers but really and truly it's my blog and I can cry like a constipated baby if I want to.

Basically I am a whale. 

A mammoth.

I am godzilla and the food in my fridge is an unwitting Japan who can do naught but cower in the onslaught of my hungry jaws screaming 'kayaka, kayaka'

I am having a fat day. 
You know, one of those days where nothing fits right and then you decide to throw your hands in the air and just eat everything because it couldn't possibly make any difference?? [p.s. don't do this- you'll just end up feeling like a fatty and then making your shame public by writing a blog post like this one]

All those diets that tell you to eat loads of times in one day are lying. It just made me more hungry. Peter Pan had the right idea with his imaginary food and so I am officially subscribing to the 'pan diet'

From now on when I get hungry, I will imagine a turkey leg and then fix me up a big ol' plate of thin air.

It works you know.

Tinkerbell did not get that tiny waist from doing crunches I'll have you know...
Just saying...
Disclaimer: I am only having a bit of a moan. IF you have real food issues, please don't eat the air, it doesn't taste very good.

I Have A Dream

I almost feel ashamed of referring to the words of MLK in this blog post because my dream was not born from a yearning for equality, it was not revolutionary....it was simply about leather shorts.

For THE longest time EVER, I have been longing for a pair. This desire was seriously hightened when I saw a  pair on fellow french blogger from 'Paris most Wanted', but obviously my bank account was being super selfish and kept on saying no everytime I would see a cute pair in store.
Paris Most Wanted in action- aren't they cute? [both the girls and the shorts]

Now, I am notorious for erm embellishing clothing shall we say, and so I considered buying a pair of leather trousers from one of my vintage homes and cutting them up but something was hindering me, telling me that making leather shorts would not be as easy as the denim ones I had previously made and so I put my leather dreams aside and carried on living life.

THEN the second inspiration struck and it was from another pair of bloggers; this time Passtime Bliss were the source with the coined new phrase 'D.I.Y.D.S' [do it your damn self] and one of the reasons for this post was [insert drumroll here] LEATHER BLOODY SHORTS.

I was convinced.

It was a sign.

I had to have them.

I NEEDED to have them.

BUT HOW??

A few days passed and I went to sleep and had the best dream EVER [and taye diggs was not even involved]

I dreamt that my leather trousers-soon-to-be-shorts were waiting for me in my fave vintage store and so I woke at the crack of dawn and ran down to 'the store that cannot be named' [kinda like Lord Voldemort...I would share, honestly I would but I did that once/thrice/erm seven times and now it has become far too popular and I have to fight with robust women and amazonian grannies to get a simple blouse]

Anyhoo, I digress. The point is that my dream turned out to be entirely prophetic and my trousers-soon-to-be-shorts were there.

I ran back home feeling entirely elated only to be laughed at by my housemates.
 APPPARENTLY prophetic dreams about leather shorts are weird?...

and erm running out of the house all flustered and desperate is even more weird??

PFFFT!!

I have my D.I.Y.D.S shorts and the world is right again. [PICTURES SOON-A-COMING (once I find my camera )]

the moral of this story iiiiiiiiiiiis.....

take that housemates! the pic says it all. people who don't have dreams don't have my leather shorts!! oh yeah

unless erm of course you are dreaming about flying off a building. In that case...maybe just go trampolining? and erm keep below image in mind...[okok you CAN be an astronaut..i just found it funny]


Disclaimer: sorry MLK. Please do not turn in your grave. Your dream was awesome too. It meant I could buy my shorts in peace.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010

BNTM Live

If you don't know already, outside of my non existent life at law school, I also work for the radio station kiss 100. I used to listen to them pretty much every morning before I got my iPod [sorry kiss] and then one fortunate day approx 3 years ago, I got to working on their street team - fun times.

Anyhoo

Long story short, last week we were at the BNTM live shindig at the excel centre which was suuuper boring at first but got a bit interesting when the main fashion show began and all the male models started removing bits of clothing. yum!!

Did I mention that the venue was packed with loads of fully made up hopefuls strutting limping around in heels with the intention of getting scouted?? tragic really. All they received for their troubles were blistered feet and blocked pores. ewwww.

Some on the other hand had awesome street style and made me look.

Here are the pics so you can look too.

Enjoy
xoxo

spotted: primark belt on a designer's collection. It made me stroke  my own with pride.


and here we have Britain's answer to Miss J..in HEELS!!




AAAAND THE STREET STYLE..[minus of course erm the actual streets...]

 love what she's wearing [girl on the left]
 love what he is wearing

love what ALL of them are wearing.

p.s. apologies for the lack of pics of erm meeeee but I seem to have currently misplaced my camera [shhhh don't tell the person who bought it for me]

and also time is always kinda gone. BUT as soon as I find it, I'll take pictures galore and you will all be the first to see it.

If anyone feels moved to buy me a new camera in the meantime then by all means proceed!!!

love and kisses with tongue!! oooh eeer ..who's a saucy minx then??