Ok - so there are a few things that I need to get off my heart about my people and I honestly don't even give a cigar-smoking monkey how I sound: BLACK PEOPLE NEED TO DO BETTER. Let me explain:
Last week, I was invited to an event that involved a whole heap of ratchet things such as twerking etc and as you all know, I am shamelessly into all sorts of silly shit and I have a subtle obsession with bums, due to my state of derriere deprivation. With all this in mind, I'd like to point out that I'm not even judge-y, but when the 'pillow fighting' round came up...I was honestly like...guys, seriously? The girls were up on the stage sexily slapping each other with pillows and I just thought to myself:
1. You guys have clearly never seen struggles, because if I got up on the stage, I would nicely deck the opposition, collect my prize money and go the heck home.
2. Pillow fighting as a whole event? get the hell out of my face please.
Ok, after all the preliminary crap, the twerking began. I love booty shaking. I watched it with glee and tried to pick up tips...UNTIL the following things happened:
1. Someone threw their oyster card on the stage...wait...WHAT? Why in the sam hill would you ever throw your means of transportation on the bloody stage - what does that even mean? and how the HECK are you getting home?
2. The semi-final round involved a balloon being placed on a random man's penis and the girls had to use their bums/vaginas to burst the balloon. At this point, the objectification was just too much for me and I looked around at this 8 mile den and thought - some people paid pounds sterling for this and were currently there with rock hard penii watching someone's child split a balloon in a thinly veiled reproduction of coitus. Get the hell out of my face please and thanks.
The next reason I think black people need to do better is this. I was watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Porsha Williams/Stewart or whatever the heck her name is now, made a comment that made me want to consult a voodoo priestess just so I could raise Harriet Tubman from the grave so she could personally explain some things to poor, stupid Porsha. I honestly just wanted Jesus to just sound the trumpets and take me to my final resting place because I just didn't see the point for continuation if this is the televisual representation of black people. Anyway, this girl really said, "who drove the train from the Underground Railroad" - erm say what now? I'm not from your bloody country and my grandfather wasn't a civil rights activist but I know for sure that the Underground Railroad was NOT. A. BLOODY. TRAIN.
Guys, if black folk won't try, then what is the point of all the people that died so we wouldn't be called savages? I just want us all to do better otherwise we will never progress as a people.
P.s. I had to control myself from swearing throughout this entire post and I am quickly approaching a place where I just want to be me. I swear like a sailor and I enjoy it. I'll try for my parents, career and Nigeria but if you fools keep pushing me, I will type more like I talk and you'll find my post infused with all sorts of profanity.